her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
