Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
