Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
