Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
