Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
