just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
