And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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