from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
