new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
