I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
