I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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