I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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