We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
