There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
