i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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