how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
