You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
