:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
please come you make the beer taste better
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
