Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
