party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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