I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
