What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
So. Much. Porn.
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