I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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