she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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