How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
