You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
either way he was missing a nipple.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
