He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she told me i tasted like america
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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