drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
