i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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