I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
