I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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