I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
