It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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