i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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