I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
