I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
