Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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