I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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