Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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