what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
