it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
