a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
