i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
