the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
