I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
