please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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