I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
