The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
