His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
