New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
