Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize