youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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