OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
