apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
