Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
