Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
