Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
please come you make the beer taste better
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
