I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
