mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
