Dual....:-)
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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