i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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