I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
