never play flip cup with pint glasses
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
