I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
