He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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